Have to admit…with thirty minutes to spare for lunch, and a scanner nearby, things can be pretty amusing!
Well, as I’m currently sitting here with candy floss, the PS3 and my macbook with a little time to spare I thought to come back to my lost blog on tumblr. These days have been so exhausting with constant work and study, and barely having time for myself, and if so I’m having to wait at my course until my bus comes so when I arrive back home, I can easily start work. Having been kicked out of our last place and currently staying at a friends is stressful, with barely having time to look at places let alone our last place we applied for we got rejected. I’m trying to keep happy, but it’s slowing getting harder and harder.
I’m still needing to learn to drive. On top of that I almost quick smoking…but I’ve started again. Now days I keep letting the littlest things get to me, it’s simple minded. But I can’t do much, I can’t settle down, and probably won’t be able to for a while I think. So for the time being, I’m trying my best to keep my head straight and not loose my temper.
All and all, I have to say I’m at least proud of my work (although it’s incredibly stressful and I’m barely sleeping as always) but I’m earning plenty and saving heaps which is a massive improvement in my lifetime, haha. For being where I am and the expenses I have to spend on, it’s brilliant. But, again, right now it’s so hard to keep my creative side close by, I swear it’s starting to disappear.
C! x
Well…I’m sure this shows just how many cancer sticks we smoke in this household right now.
Well, good thing of the past month, well I should say the last week probably, is I’ve cut down a little on how much I’ve been drinking and smoking due to the stress and shit going down since we’ve moved here. But things are slowly getting better, unlike from smoking more than two packs a week and downing almost a entire 1L vodka, but hey, could have been worse I suppose. I also usually hate holidays as I mope around the house with entirely nothing to do, but so far that’s been okay too. So weird.
With that out of mind, tattoo designs are starting to build up and I’m getting back into drawing, wooo! It’s been so long and I’ve been overloaded with work and study that I ran out of enthusiasm to keep going with it. But thanks to Alan kind of putting thoughts back into my head, that it was something I wanted to keep going with after hospitality, maybe soon that’ll be the case still. I’m too easy on giving up on stuff these days. Soon I’ll be posting more stuff on here and keep up to date with what I’m doing for my design.
C! x
Well, all I can say that has happened in the last few weeks is working tonnes, studying hard out, drinking and smoking almost every night possible and dealing with the stress of the house being put on the market we’re renting, in which case, it becoming very overbearing. I didn’t think it’d all happen this soon, but I guess time passes by faster than you realize. As far as I’m concerned, I’m trying my best to handle the situation and seeing what my options are if I do have to move very soon, but I can only come up with an option after about 2 months time at least. As I’m now training to be a duty manager, I’m kind of in a hard place, as I can’t just up and leave.
Hopefully, it’s going to take a while for this place to sell and might give some space to sort everything out, but it also doesn’t help as my partner wants to move to CBD like, now, just about and I can’t do anything. I don’t want to part, but I feel like I might not have a choice, let alone I feel like I’m holding him back. They say you always got to go through tough times to get to the good, but for the past few months I feel like there’s been nothing but tough. I’m becoming more of an emotional wreak than I’ve ever been, and, from having been an occasional smoker, I think I’m now classified as a ‘smoker’, which I’ve never wanted to happen. I still haven’t got my drivers license either, as I have no one to teach me and professional lessons are basically the price of my food costs in a week. Work again has just about cut my hours back, which I was waiting for to happen, but hopefully will get back up soon, I need them desperately.
It seems that ever any time I now post on here it’s miserable, depressing, emotional bullshit and I need to get out of it, but it’s so hard. What are you to do when you have no one to rely on? when you have to get through everything on your own?
C! x
I have to say, things have completely changed from what I thought they might have turned out. As always I was scared that something unexpectedly may happen, although I was promised it never would, typically, it happened. You can never know what will happen in the future, nor do good things last forever, as they say. Things are now slightly fixing up, maybe, but I’m still worried something with somehow tear us apart. I’ve already been broken once, though via something different, but if it were to be through this…I don’t think I could live like I once did, after.
‘We need to talk’ is like the one major flashing red light warning sign, for the hysteria and pain to be prepared for those words to be said, in my view. I never thought much of it, until now. It’s amazing how it can be just so easy to lose everything that means the world to you, and sometimes it’s the other person and not you. Promises are always made to be broken, even though I kept so many and kept to them, not everyone else does as it seems.
As may have seen I won’t go right into fine detail, but there is a fine line if should be able to be understood clearly enough I suppose anyway. Having had now moved into a single room with boxes of mine everywhere, everything basically still packed, and not sure what to do let alone my work I have right now won’t even support anywhere near what I have to afford for rent, food, transportation and miscellaneous expenses. The entire time as he said that it’s basically like what we were living in, and he could support me (even though I didn’t want to, in case something happened, like this. Plus I like my own money) I knew it couldn’t be the same, it’s so much more expensive down here, and with that…it seems like he’s changed, and since he can buy basically anything he wants, could have anyone he wanted, and I feel like a vulture and depressing complainer, makes me feel insignificant. Relying on people is my pet hate, and it makes me feel mentally and physically sick when it comes down to the point where I have to. I basically have done so for the last year and it’s plain awful, as much as I appreciate the help, honestly, it just hurts when I can’t ‘get enough hours’, and have to go begging to have help.
All that seems to help the pain so far is cigarettes. I’m not sure how much longer I can hang on, and as much as things may seem it might be okay, I’m paranoid and believe that it’s probably not going to be okay at all - period.
C! x
